Time for true confessions: I used to be a woman who “settled”. Looking back, it’s hard to believe I was that woman once upon a time.
What exactly do I mean by “settling”? Settling is what we do when we don’t know who we are. Settling produces inauthentic choices because it’s produced from a state of being inauthentic. Settling begins in our relationship with Self and ends up permeating how we do life.
We begin by settling for an “imitation” or a “faux-self”. We settle for a self that is constructed by conditioning, by the messages received from our parents, teachers, friends, employers, the culture. It’s pretty much baked into the cake for human beings. We learn to become inauthentic in order to please others, gain recognition and attention, look good and fit in. I was no exception.
Sooner or later, the jig is up. We can only go so far down the path of inauthenticity before our life becomes so constrained and convoluted, it stops working. At the deeper level, the soul never settles. It will eventually have its way with us. The problem is, the ego-driven personality does. Therefore, most people keep right on going, forging their way through these constraints and end up wondering why life feels so hard and they feel so drained.
I’ve settled for inauthentic relationships because I didn’t know myself well enough to know they were never going to work. I bought into the age-old myth many women fall for, “Just hang in there, give it a chance, it’ll get better. Things will change or he will change”. Silly me! I thought it was about the other person. But here’s why relationships are so tricky: we always think when they don’t work, it’s because of the “other person”.
No offense to Barack Obama, I did sign up for the “Hope” campaign last fall, but seriously, can we talk? I know there must be some useful point to hope, but I’ve never found it. In my book, hoping doesn’t work as much as settling doesn’t work. They go hand in hand. There’s something more required of us than hoping or settling in order to create the life and the relationships we want. If only I knew this 40 years ago!
At the end of the day, do you want to live a life based on “settling”? Of course not!
Enter the HeartCore Boot Camp swat team of Shanda Sumpter and Allyson Spellman They’re on a mission to change 2000 women’s lives in the next month. They teach women to stop settling for simply surviving life and start stepping into a truly empowered life.
“Most of us are society robots. We do what we’ve been told to do, or what we think we should do. We want to empower women to follow their hearts and create the life they want”, says Sumpter.
“We need to be clear about the challenges that come into our lives,” Shanda says. “Instead of bemoaning what you don’t have or what you’re lacking or what you’re afraid of, look at what’s in your space now, and use it to launch the life you want.”
These women are speaking my language! This is a BIG subject, one with lots of learning involved.
Shanda and Allyson are offering a free call-in workshop on July 21 at 5pm PST (6pm MT, 8pm EST), as well as a 2-day HeartCore Bootcamp tele-seminar series on July 24-25.
For more information on HeartCore Bootcamp, visit www.heartcorebootcamp.com.